The scariest chambers on the planet are the four beating within the chest. Life flows through them sliding past the catacombs of memories sealed in scar tissue. Our blood dries within our veins slowly driving us toward origin dust.
The arterial plaque of darkened memories threatens to entomb us in fear. Our blood is found ill equipped to breach the sealed walls and deal with the other side.
We need a blood transfusion.
The kind that doesn’t happen over the span of hours, but over a lifetime.
He must increase, but I must decrease.
John 3:30 NASB
But what does it mean for our blood to work in tandem with Savior blood? To flow side by sword pierced side?
It means to name our sources of shame knowing that He is with us.
Going There.
Even to the scary. Especially to the scary.
To venture to the tomb of Past Mistake or Moment of Failure and carry with us the Sword of Truth. It takes work to chisel away what we’ve buried, but it’s worth it.
Why?
Because to stop the haunting you have to kill the demon.
Lies wither in the light of truth.
Consume truth, and gain vision for a Holy contrast to the darkness in our lives.
Expose lies, take responsibility when needed, and repent.
What lie are you believing?
Invitation.
This allowance of grace requires an open door on our part.
Immanuel. God with us.
We forget.
And so our exercise in written communication becomes more an exercise of self deletion. We write our beautiful broken selves onto a blank page and then throw down the delete key like the blade of a guillotine. We’d applaud ourselves if it wasn’t for the carpal tunnel from repeating the exercise ritual so often.
But He is here.
He wants to help.
The light of His presence that fosters beautiful belief, and the belief of truth spoken over the past brings change. We are not alone.
Ignore the presence of God, and believe that you are alone, and no sooner with the enemy have you convinced that the gold mines of your soul are filled with worthless lead.
But you and I know better.
We know there’s gold in those mountains.
#inthirds
The lie I’ve been believing is that if I drown it out long enough the still small voice will no longer have anything to say.
I keep myself busy, always background noise, music and casual conversation and Netflix, never a moment of silence or meditation for I fear what I shall hear in that deafening, booming quiet.
I don’t feel like I have the time or energy for effective self-reflection which motivates healthy change, and so I fear conviction, and say to the still small voice “what? I can’t hear you – wait until I’m out of grad school and then we can talk!” As though my own spiritual health will just… Chill outside while I finish my responsibilities?
It unsettles me and I try not to think about it, like a sore tooth that really should be checked out by the dentist but that takes time and money and making an appointment sometime during the day but I’m at work all day and and and it doesn’t hurt that bad.
I’m not sure if any of this rambling will be enlightening or beneficial to anyone else but it was on my heart and it feels more real written down, even electronically, than just thinking it.
Hmm – glad this felt like a safe place for you to write out your thoughts. I think identifying what’s going on inside our heads is absolutely beneficial. Who knows? Perhaps someone reading this might not even be aware that they are drowning out a quiet voice – and your writing has awakened them to listen. Well done 🙂